There will always be someone who is, does, or looks more than you.Welcome to the club of the average!
Ahhh sad, but in life not everyone gets a medal....unless you're a millennial, but that won't last forever ;) In all seriousness, in so many ways we praise diversity and respect personal values but hit a snag when it comes to determining our values, and the void lends itself to comparison. I can vouch for the fact that the more at peace you feel with your own direction, the more you can respect other paths. But how do we develop personal conviction? First, let go of wanting to be "more" than other people. Rejoice in others' success and sympathize in their struggle. Remind yourself that everyone is trying, and cheer them along their way. But on the flip side, don't fool yourself into thinking that anyone has it all figured out. We're all just tryyyying to figure things out! Probably because there's hardly ever one right answer :) Each one of us stands somewhere different in our individual search for happiness. Second, understand that everyone feels "less" at times. In sociology, this is called the "Impostor Syndrome". Every person at one point or another feels like an impostor, feels like everyone else has it figured out and that he or she is faking it, and somehow everyone is going to find out. We've all felt this in moments that we try to "prove" ourselves. But no one is an impostor. We're each a beautiful mess. Lastly, discover the source of your conviction - root your goals in something that lasts, something non-contingent on other people. Instead of filling your time, decide what is most important to you in life, put those things first, and then your time will be full, no matter how much you "achieve" or do. Everyone needs to pick and choose since no one is capable of doing or being it all. (And plus, we don't believe that anymore anyway, right? ;)) For me, I try to think, after all is said and done at the end of my life, what will I think mattered? Those are the things I try to put first. Understand that each person's conviction will manifest itself differently. How my convictions play out tends to metamorphosize with added experience. Prioritizing my marriage looked very different before two children and other life events. Prioritizing family looks different when I live 30 minutes away than when I live a flight away. My health priority looks different when we live right next to a gym than when we're on vacation, and that's okay. Respect your own experiences and how they shape your perceptions and actions but allow other people the same space. I wrote you a poem...you're welcome :) A seed was sown in stony ground far from water and soil, but grew so steady, full of life, strengthened through heat and toil. It did not know that it should not grow, it was completely unaware, But rejoice for it grew! And simply because it never did know to compare.
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From Molly... It's a new year, what a thrill! But as with anything new, eventually the "newness" wears off and what was once exciting is now overwhelming - hence the new years restitution's not resolutions. I'd like to pose a different type of resolution - resolving to accept yourself. This isn't to say stop trying to improve but rather realizing and embracing the good in you. Instead of making a list of routines to start, habits to change, features to switch, make a list of how you can use your "flaws" for good. For me, I can be a controlling person - micromanaging comes very natural. I've always been a planner and have been told on countless occasions that I need to relax or that I take things too seriously. So I tried for a few years to change this part of myself. The new year rung in with a Bob Marley song singing "Don't worry about a thing, every little thing, is gonna be alright!" The result? Well everything isn't always alright, so half of the time I was relaxed and fighting my natural inclinations and the other half I was lashing out because I resented it...lame? Yes. I'd say "i'm going to relax and not clean the house so that I can play with the kids and be a 'fun' mom". Then the next day I would wake up overwhelmed at the pile of dishes and laundry and that the girls needed attention yet again. So then I tried something new, instead of looking at all of the negatives about liking to keep things organized and planned, I looked at how I could use those tendencies for good. The result has been AMAZING for me! My life in general is pretty planned. I use an alarm clock, stay on a cleaning schedule (including scheduling play time with my kids - leaving a couple hour chunk in the day just for them), and always do certain things at the same time: grocery shopping, meal prep, attending the temple, etc. Some people would say this is high strung, but what I've found is that embracing this structured part of myself has allowed me to relax in other important ways and helped me to look to the future with hope and excitement. I have faith in myself to make it through anything because when I can handle the day to day then I know the years to years will come naturally. I can live more fully in the moment because i'm not torn between what I think I should be and what I actually am. The girls get a happier mom, and I get a lot more done. When I kiss Aaron, I enjoy it since my time to do the other necessities is past. And we kiss a lot :) We like that. This is just one example, but it applies to so many traits! Are you impatient? How can you that drive to get things done for good? Fly by the seat of your pants? Find a worthy cause that demands spontaneity. Love to spend time on social media? Decide a way to lift other people through that hobby. Could you bake (and eat) til the cows come home? Find a way to bless other people. Do you struggle with an addiction? Find other people with the same struggle, be open, and lift one another out of your challenges. No one is useless - even as you try to change yourself, just involving other people in the journey can be a strength to both sides. Are you a night owl? Consider all of the constructive things that need to be done when your side of the world sleeps but the other is awake. Look at your list of "resolutions" and change it to a list of restitution's, how can you use each one of those "flaws" for good. And if you can't think of any way to use it for good, i'd say you're safe to try and change it ;) Happy New Year and may your year be filled with hope, peace, and gratitude! From Emma... Restitution: the act of making up for damages or harm. ... The noun restitution means both "restoring something to its original state" and "returning something to its rightful owner." It would be nigh to impossible for me to mention the New Year without giving credit to the man upstairs who has given me everything I have. He is the goodness in the world and in me. In all the craziness it is easy to become distracted from those things that bring us joy and fulfillment. We focus on doing instead of being, goal setting instead of becoming. This year I'm turning a new leaf. Rather than focus on resolutions that may or may not last through January, I'm focusing on "restoring something to its original state," as restitution's definition suggests. That something is me. As a child of God, I am good at my core. I want to restore those bits of me that keep me focused on the things that matter. I want to value people more than my to-do list. I want to give more back to the body that has brought me thus far through this wonderful journey of life. I want to be...me, accepting that I am enough and that my efforts in seeing the color in the world will open my eyes even greater to the good that is consistently around us. Maybe if I look hard enough, I may just see my own color seeping into the canvas that is the lives of others around me. I don't want to make a goal for the year. I want to make restitution my life so when all is said and done, I can return to my rightful owner who has given me everything living has to offer. |
who we areSpread the Good: Three sisters embracing the human experience, ups and downs included, inviting others to join the celebration.
AuthorsThree sisters, three years apart, three words: Spread the Good Archives
January 2021
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