You want to know something strange? I hate the color orange and most shades of yellow. I don't just dislike them, I find them offensive. Like, I'd have to get paid large sums of money to wear an orange-colored shirt or shade of lipstick. I know, so I don't like certain colors, big deal. Here's the weird thing: my two favorite flowers are orange Asiatic lilies and sunflowers. In fact, I'm always drawn to bouquets with yellow and orange flowers. I have no good explanation for that. I just love them! I love them so much I used them in my wedding! Now does that make any sense?!?!
Truthfully, I have wondered about this for years. Why do I love yellow and orange flowers when I hate the colors yellow and orange? I have no explanation, I just know that they make me feel happy. In Texas wild sunflowers grow everywhere. They pepper the median up and down I-35, and I get delighted every time I see them. I've even gone as far as taking the kids out on an "adventure" complete with some Bahama Bucks shaved ice where we drove around old country roads hunting for sunflowers. When we'd find some we would all get so excited. We'd pull over and cut them to make a huge bouquet. And each time I'd look at the bouquet on my kitchen table I'd feel good. I'd feel good that I spent time with my kids. I'd feel good that I have gorgeous flowers on my table. I'd feel good that they only cost the amount of gas we used driving around and the cost for the shaved ice. And I'd feel good that I did something whimsical just because. How often do we do spur of the moment things? If I asked you to name three things that delight you could you even answer me? As Molly, Emma and I mentioned before, we've all been in therapy for different things. One thing that Molly's therapist encouraged her to do was to find things that delighted her and to try to do some of those things each day. The best thing of all? It doesn't have to make sense! Just like my flower conundrum! It's nonsensical, but I don't care because I love them. Delights aren't logical, rational, or sensible. They just are. I encourage you to make a list of 10 things that delight you. But first, there are some rules: It cannot be dependent on other people. Yes, they can involve other people, but others' involvement can't determine your delight. For example, I love it when my kids give me a hug and kiss, but how much I enjoy it depends a lot on my mood, time of day, my interactions with them earlier, etc. Delights aren't altered by external influence. These are things that only YOU have the power to create. That's the wonderful thing about delights is that you can metaphorically keep a handful of them in your pocket to pull out whenever you need a pick me up. They are non-contingent on other people. Hopefully that makes sense, and if not maybe seeing my list will help. Here are my top 10 delights: 1. Sunflowers and orange asiatic lilies 2. Tire swings 3. Hearing the tops of the jars "pop" after I've been canning 4. The thrill of waking up on Christmas morning 5. The first whiff of a cup of coffee while I hold the mug in between my hands....aaaahhhhh.... 6. The smell of hot pavement when it starts to rain 7. Baths 8. Painted fingernails and toenails 9. Startling someone (I know it's cruel, but I seriously love it and think it's so hilarious!) 10. Laying in bed with the window open while it rains outside I hope that you can take a few minutes to find out what delights you. Truly, I can't look at this list without smiling. Life is too short to live without delighting yourself once in a while.
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From Molly... I had such a wonderful experience this week that left my heart swelling with gratitude for the unknown kind people around us, people who notice and help even without being asked, people who reach out. The girls and I went to Ikea this week to grab a high chair. I went as fast as I could, taking whatever shortcuts possible (cause we all know you can get lost in there and end up with stuff to redecorate your whole house instead of just a high chair!). The girls did so well, and on the way out Stella asked if we could go up the escalator. I felt like I owed her a bit of fun and excitement since she had cooperated so well. However, I had Liza in her car seat to hold as we were going up. So between holding her and balancing, I had no free hands. We went to the edge and Stella said she could get on by herself. I stepped on and STELLA DIDN'T! I kept telling her to step on, but she was too nervous as the steps were moving and I slowly was getting further and further from her. If Liza hadn't been in my arms I would have just ran down the steps as fast as I could, but I couldn't. Stella started panicking seeing me get further and further away, and I began to panic too (but of course tried to show her I was cool as a cucumber!). I got to the top and stepped off and had NO idea what to do! The only way back down was an elevator way around the corner, and to take it down Stella would be out of my sight for at least a couple of minutes, and the she was only about 30 feet away from the entrance doors. (It is truly amazing how quickly you can think and process when you're afraid!) I was so scared! It was obvious she wasn't going to step on, and I felt torn between the two girls and which to stay with. I quickly said a prayer in my heart and head that someone trustworthy and kind would come in to help her on the escalator. Until now, no one was in sight. A moment later a girl and her boyfriend, probably in their early 20's, came walking in. She immediately noticed Stella's distress, and despite the stranger's obviously broken ankle! (she was in a big boot), she looked right up to me and asked if we needed help. I said "Yes! Can you please help her onto the escalator?" She walked to Stella, crouched down and asked if she could help Stella get onto the escalator to get to her mommy. Stella was still crying, so the girl said she would go with her. She held her hand, helped her on, and rode all the way up with her. I was almost in tears from being so relieved! Stella and I were reunited and both sooo grateful! I thanked the girl over and over and she simply said "oh, it's really not a problem. I'm glad I could help." I am so thankful for people who keep their eyes open to those around them. For people who choose to be aware instead of self-focused. It helps me be more that way too and I've found myself being more conscious of other people and reaching out to them than I have in a long time. Thank you to that kind stranger and all the good that people like her do in the world! From Sam... You know what my absolute FAVORITE thing is about living in a military town??? How quickly you make friends!!! When we moved to Texas at the end of May it was our first duty station, and I didn't know what to expect. I had heard a lot of things about what it's like to be a military wife (most of which wasn't true), and because of this I had a lot of apprehensions. But the concerns and apprehensions quickly diminished as I began to take the kids places like the pool, splash pad, park, swimming lessons, etc. and another mom and I would strike up a conversation and before we left we'd exchange numbers and ACTUALLY CALL LATER TO SET UP A PLAY DATE! I look back on when I lived in WA, and how lonely and isolated I felt sometimes. And yet I would see the same person over and over at the park and barely talk to them, and certainly wouldn't ask for their number. But maybe they were feeling isolated and lonely too! And how could my life--and theirs--be different had I been more friendly and simply said "the kids seem to play well together. We should exchange numbers and get together!" Within a very short time of living in TX I had already created a community around myself of women who are in the same phase of life as me and we have a lot in common. And I haven't felt lonely or isolated since living here. Yes, sometimes I get homesick and overwhelmed and stressed, but not lonely. It's helped me to look past myself and be more observant of other people, and in doing so has made me a better friend. Also, the more brave I have become at introducing myself to people, the more confidence it has given me to do other things and to branch out in other ways. I was telling Emma last night that I think people don't try new things because they are afraid. They're afraid of looking stupid, or been judged, or failing, or committing themselves and then not liking it. Here's the truth: When you try something new you aren't signing an invisible contract with the universe that you are committing to do or be something for the rest of your life, you're merely "trying it out". Here's another truth, it's called "MAKING" friends. It's not acquiring, gaining, inheriting or receiving. It's called "making" a friend because it requires effort. The definition of MAKE is:
(My friend Martina and I. I met her through the dance group that I joined. Our daughters are about the same age, and she has become a very dear friend who has been a huge support to me. Her husband is deployed in Afghanistan and she has two kids. So many times we've said how grateful we are for each other and the support we are to one another!) |
who we areSpread the Good: Three sisters embracing the human experience, ups and downs included, inviting others to join the celebration.
AuthorsThree sisters, three years apart, three words: Spread the Good Archives
January 2021
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