From Emma... I'm sure we are all familiar with William Shakespeare's famous musing, "To be, or not to be." That is indeed the question. While in college I met an incredible individual. She was my instructor for a class titled, Persuasion. When most people hear that word they think, "oh, to make someone do what you want them to." That is not true persuasion at all. My instructor pointed out that each of us bases our lives on a set of moral codes. Typically, our behaviors coincide with these moral codes. If our or someone else's actions are at odds with our set of moral codes we experience discomfort, anger, frustration, guilt, or even judgment. Recently news media outlets and social media have been saturated with opinions on a myriad of topics: politics, patriotism and acts against humanity. Each outlet proclaims "the truth" while each person that posts declares their opinion on "the truth." My professor, she taught me a principle I will never forget. The message engrained itself in my memory because of how it changed my life. "To persuade is not to coerce or omit truth to achieve a desired outcome. It is not to present a one sided argument. Opinion is nothing if based on half facts and emotion. Opinion for the sake of opinion does not benefit anyone and can often blind you to greater understanding. "To persuade well begins with sharing knowledge gained of all perspectives, then discovering which adheres to your set of moral codes, with the intent to take action that will benefit those involved." Too often we have an opinion just because we can. Often times it isn't based on thorough study or a connection to real knowledge as much as it is something constructed from a culmination of reading one media outlet and multiple Facebook opinions, what we had for lunch, and our current emotional state. What good is an opinion if it does nothing to benefit the world or inspire change? That is the beauty of democracy and endless access to countless sources that can provide solid facts instead of heresay, from which we can develop an educated opinion that could do more than rile the masses and incite that feeling of 'ha, I gave my two cents.' Two cents really isn't worth a whole lot. Time is a lot more valuable. My hubby and I have had a number of disagreements in our marriage. But it is interesting how when we take the time to explain our points of view to one another in a non emotional way we are better able to find that middle ground that leads us in a better direction. It doesn't always end in agreement but we always respect each other. Opinions are important. They are the start of ideas. But maybe if we spend a little more time listening and a little less time talking we will be able to root our opinions in what my teacher called "Truth with a capital T," instead of fleeting emotion. Then, we can take that passion we've developed and make a real difference. So the question I pose to you today is: to be informed, or not to be? To make a statement, or make a difference? Try to pay a little more attention this week to your opinions and how they develop. Ask yourself, "Am I qualified at present to have an opinion?" Discover what your "Truth with a capital T" is. Then, do something that makes a difference. What is life for if not that? Comment below on ways you made a difference with this process! Small or big, I want to hear them all. You are awesome! From Sam... I feel like I could just say "ditto" to everything Emma wrote. It reminded me a lot of the phrase "free advice is worth the price you pay". I know we all probably get annoyed with "other people's" posts, but how often are we the "other people"? Are we merely contributing to the white noise, or are we actively trying to advocate for change? Growing up in a family with two other sisters and a mom there were a lot of (cough) "feelings". My sisters and I always joke that once you become emotional you lose all credibility. (Isn't it true?!?!) But the people that I see that are the most effective at persuading others toward their cause are those who turn their EMOTION into PASSION and then into ACTION. It is so refreshing when I see a post that not only addresses a problem, but suggests a solution--it could be a link to the names and addresses of your local senators and/or congressmen, the website to an organization, or whatever. It's so much easier to open our mouths (or type out our opinions) than it is to "DO". So stop it! Don't just be a talker, be a DOER! (And yes that is a word...I looked it up.) Having said that, I know that it is hard to decide where to put your energy. Time is finite, and you can't do everything at once. There are different seasons in life, and your season is going to look different than mine, or Emma's or Molly's. In fact, your season is probably going to be a time of compromising what you WANT to do and what you NEED to do (which will look different for everyone). Right now my season is (attempting) to keep a home for my husband and children which, to be honest, has been very difficult for me. I am a DOER at heart, and I have had difficulty balancing what I WANT to do and what I NEED to do. Along with being a stay at home mom I am also a room mom for the children's school. I go running with a friend 2-3 times a week, and try to go to the gym 5 times a week. I also do dance with Charlotte 3 days a week. I've joined a couple of groups with the Army Spouse's club, started going to a new church, was asked to be a co-chair on the Army Spouse's Club board, am in the middle of two audio books, a novel, and a BBC series. Oh, and I still need to finish putting pictures into empty frames that are on my wall (and have been there for 2 months), finish decorating my bedroom, hang curtains in the kid's bedroom, and make halloween costumes. To say that I'm stretched thin would be an understatement. As you can see, I am still learning to embrace my season as a stay at home mom, and balance NEED and WANT. But I can tell you, I have recognized that I can't complain and spread negativity about what I am not able to fix or help others to fix. Let's be serious here, my bedroom is a disaster, I literally have 5 loads of laundry that need folded, dishes that need done, and I haven't showered today. What good does interjecting my opinion about global warming do if I'm not in a position to not only advocate for, but BE change? Let's all take a step back and look at the season that we are in. What is most important to you? If it is women's rights then go for it! Don't just complain, find ways to BE the change! If it's being a stay at home mom, then be the best mom you can be! If it's being a career women, then do your best to create a great work environment. If it's to train for a marathon, then do it! Don't just say, DO! And spread that good on! From Molly... I think that life is a journey of rerouting. You have an opinion then an experience teaches you otherwise, and then later down the road a loved one sheds even more light and once again you change directions. So, to change is to experience life, to be wrong is to develop, and to grow is to truly live. But oh the expansive and breathtaking views you get when you step into another person's shoes! Perhaps you decide you still prefer your own, but that moment gazing at life through another's lens leaves you ever changed, more compassionate, more empowered, and more able to solve problems. No doubt this school of thought isn't fool proof, but I do believe it would solve so very many of our problems. A couple of years ago I did an ideological analysis of the two main political parties in the United States: the Republican and Democratic parties. In our country they're often pit against each other, leading to government stand stills and even deeply rooted feelings and actions of hate for the "opposing" party. There are bumper stickers, websites, and jokes demeaning the "other". What I found from my analysis is that though the applications are different, the values the two parties embrace are in most instances much the same. This fills me with so much hope that we can unite in our values and work together to come to conclusions, though there is of course some give and take, but when you trust the "other" and their intentions, giving is much less painful because you see a greater good.
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From Sam... I wanted to take the opportunity to write some things that have been on my mind this week. When terrible things happen I often wonder how life can be so dark, and how I am supposed to raise children in this dark world. How can I spread good when it is so difficult to find? My sister-in-law, Chelsey, sent this to me. I remember watching footage in the days that followed the 9/11/2001 attacks. Amongst the horrific displays of hate, there were countless acts of love and service. People risked their lives helping others because they believed in goodness, and they wanted to contribute to it. I think we can all follow that example, and take some of Ellen's advice.
After my meltdown I took Charlotte to dance practice. I was trying to emotionally work through my hurt feelings, frustration, and also figure out how to mend the damage I may have caused by shouting at Charlotte. After we arrived I put my things down, and knelt down to help her tie her sarong. I leaned over and whispered in her ear, "I'm sorry. I love you so much!" She got a huge grin, and kissed me on the head. I said, "Is that your way of saying you forgive me?" She immediately got a look of delight on her face, laughed, nodded, and ran away. As I was watching her dance I thought about how important she is to me, and how heartbroken I would be if something ever happened to her. It sent me into a downward spiral of terrible thoughts, regrets, concerns, and worry. And I realized that it was detracting from the beauty of watching my daughter dance, and I needed to be present in that moment. I hope that we can all not only be active observers, seekers and finders of good, but to be the good and allow that good to start in our own homes, neighborhoods, and communities. I have so far to go, but I want to be better. And when we mess up, have the humility to apologize. And when people wrong us, have the grace to smile, nod, and laugh to show them that they are forgiven just like a five year old girl. We cannot control the dark, but we can do our part to be the light. Go spread the good!
I used to have a sign in our house that said "Too much of a good thing is wonderful!" Until one day I realized, "hmm, too much of a good thing is STILL too much..." So down went the sign and up went one that says "Always believe something wonderful is about to happen." Do you ever fall prey to the "too much of a good thing is wonderful" mentality? Then next thing you know you're up to your armpits in good deeds while you're going out of your mind? Afterall, too much ice cream? High blood sugar. Too many plants in the garden? Not enough nutrients. Too much time with the girls? An unruly house. Too much time doing service? A family begging for attention. It's like you gorge yourself on the buffet of life and end up emotionally bloated! So, good things are GREAT...if balanced! I learned that lesson again this week: I filled my week chock full of GREAT things! My birthday was Monday so Aaron and I went on a date, Aaron's birthday present was Tuesday evening, I spent a few hours during the day helping some people with graphic design projects, Wednesday I made a bunch of sourdough bread dough to start fermenting and spent some time supporting friends, Thursday I spent all day baking artisan breads to sell on Friday, and then Friday after the sale we took the girls to a park. Saturday and Sunday was 8 hours of a church conference, I babysat Saturday night, and then we invited friends over Sunday evening. So...a LOT of good things...but Sunday afternoon I crashed and burned. The conclusion is for one, don't sell your culinary soul to the bread devil... jk :) For real though, the takeaway is that we need to maintain a healthy balance in our lives. It's not that any one of those things I spent time on was bad, but being so busy caused me to neglect some very important parts of my well being like morning prayers, exercising, and connecting time with Aaron. It's so funny how you have to relearn lessons in your life. Not just because you have a particularly thick skull :) But because we all need practice in well being. A book I wrote says that if you have your priorities straight then 24 hours is always enough in a day. Funny because this week almost every night I had the thought "man, there's just not enough time in the day!" Until I read that part of my book...then I laughed...then I cried...but then I laughed again :) Thank goodness for continued learning! So for this week instead of trying to fill my time with good things, I will fill my time with the most important things, in the order of importance! Then there's always enough time :) Even if you need to hold off on some other good things. It's like the rocks and sand in a jar. If you fill your jar with sand first (the less important things) then the rocks (most important things) won't fit. But if you put the most important things in first then all of the less important things will have a better chance of fitting. So it is with life! |
who we areSpread the Good: Three sisters embracing the human experience, ups and downs included, inviting others to join the celebration.
AuthorsThree sisters, three years apart, three words: Spread the Good Archives
January 2021
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