From Sam... When I was pregnant with Charlotte in 2012 I was determined that I was going to be the perfect mom! When she was born I had difficulty bonding with her, but I made up for it in other ways. I breast-fed until she was 6 months old, fed her homemade baby food (because I wanted to insure she was eating the most nutritious veggies), and by the time she was a year she was drinking a green smoothie every morning, was gifted talker, and had never had a taste of sugar or fast food. On her first birthday I prided myself when instead of relishing the cupcake, she gagged and spit it out. Fast forward two years later, I had Finn. When he came out my heart felt like it was bursting, and I was instantly bonded to him. The honeymoon ended, however, when I wasn't able to breast feed due to his inability to digest my milk, and between tri-weekly doctor appointments I wasn't able to get it together enough to stay as strict and regimented about little things that had been so important to me. I was in survival mode and had to decided what was worth spending energy on and what wasn't. As I look back I on the past 5.5 years of parenthood it makes me laugh to see how differently I parented my two children. Truly, Charlotte's first 2 years were 180* from Finn's. And ironically, as I have learned more, forgiven myself, and made changes, how I interact with both of them now is very different than how I did a year ago. A few months ago I was talking to a friend about discipline. I told her that since Aaron and I were both spanked and we turned out decent sometimes I feel like it would just be easier to do the same with my kids. She very kindly said, "You know, my dad was beaten as a kid, and he did way better with us than he was raised. He still spanked us, but he didn't beat us. And he did so much better than his parents did. Don't you want to do your best for your kids? I feel like I owe it to my kids to do my best for them." I thought it was really poignant because although she recognizes that her dad made mistakes she also accepts that he was doing his best. My best is going to look different than your best. And my best right now is different than my best 5 years ago. My favorite thing about having friends is seeing the things that they do well, and learning from them. Parenthood isn't a competition, a race, or a spectator sport. It's messy, it's arduous, it's difficult, and it's awesome! I'm past the point of believing anyone with young kids has it all together because I have never seen it (and trust me, I know some butt-kickin' parents!). We're all just doing our best and sometimes we're nailing it in one area, but getting nailed in another. Just remember, we're all in it this together! From Molly... As mothers we pray in the morning for help, pray for patience and vision multiple times during the day, and when the night comes we pray that our precious ones will thrive in spite of us. When Stella was about 6 months old, I had an epiphany about my own mom. More times than not we have extremely high expectations of our parents - which i'm sure is why we get frustrated with each other. As I was thinking about my long list of expectations of my own mother, I realized this: my mom is a wonderful mother, not because she was perfect (and she will be the first to tell you that), but because she gave 100% of what she could - that is a wonderful mother! We all wish we could do and be more than we are, but every person has limited resources and abilities. But don't let your limitations ruin your love of motherhood! Just give 100% of what you can, and in my experience, accepting that is essential to enjoying motherhood! Of course we should try to improve, but take small steps and be patient with yourself. For me, I don't want my girls to ever think I was perfect, but I do what them to know I gave 100% because if they do then they will always know they were loved - and that's what we really want!
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who we areSpread the Good: Three sisters embracing the human experience, ups and downs included, inviting others to join the celebration.
AuthorsThree sisters, three years apart, three words: Spread the Good Archives
January 2021
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