I experienced my first anxiety attack at the age of 19. That's late for some, early for others. Anxiety has been one of the most difficult things I've experienced in my life. The endless fear coupled with countless perceived inadequacies would leave any person in a state of paralysis. Obviously not enjoying how that feels I had to question, why do I have anxiety? The answer I came to: Who cares? I've stopped asking myself that question. There are too many reasons to explain them all and since I don't have a series of PHD's in psychology, neurology, sociology, and any number of other subjects relating to human psychosis I probably couldn't figure it out any ways. The better question, how can I manage it to where I'm able to enjoy life? Over the years since I had my first attack I've had the privilege of getting to know myself a lot better and in doing so discovered something amazing. I am awesome! Now, let's clarify. Do I have unfortunate moments? yes. Am I at times impatient? You bet. Do I make perfect decisions all the time? Of course...okay maybe not. But... I am STILL awesome! And so are you! Something that helped me through the worst of my anxiety was developing a new relationship with myself and God. At the time I discovered I had a lot of misconceived notions and perspectives about who God is and what he expects or doesn't expect of me and what I expect of myself. When my husband and I decided it was time to embark on the incredible journey of parenthood it was nothing short of incredible. The tender mercies along the way were innumerable and incredible in their own right. One day I could feel something was different about my body and I knew. The pregnancy test confirmed it. As both lines appeared the nerves immediately set in but not before I felt an overwhelming sense of something else: love. An overwhelming love for this human I had never met and would have the privilege of spending my existence caring for. It was as if I existed on this planet to love him. And he is awesome. It's taken a lot of time to learn God loves me in that same, unconditional, unyielding, unbiased and untainted way, but he does. He sees it all in me: the good, the bad and the ugly, and he loves me still. Maybe the problem wasn't that I didn't know God loved me. Maybe the problem was that I didn't love myself because I put limitations on my own deserving of love. And in my mind because that love wasn't there, I wasn't awesome. Good thing I found out that was a bunch of baloney. When we start seeing ourselves the way we really are (awesome) we can get past the anxiety of feeling like we aren't enough. We are! And it's beautiful. And why are we? For no other reason than that we're human beings! Do you know the functions that go on in your body on a daily basis? That alone is something to marvel at, no matter your theology. So let's talk about awesome. There are a few common misconceptions about personal awesomeness. Lie 1. We are only as awesome as the lowest culmination of our positive attributes. I whipped up a graphic to illustrate. Oftentimes people think they are only as awesome as their lowest culmination of positive attributes. In this instance that would be 17%. They are 17% awesome because that's the highest of all their positive attributes together: motivated, happy, caring, patient, etc. There are a few problems with this, the biggest being it's not true. Personal best is not a one time evaluation that defines who you are. It is an ever changing, living, breathing thing. In fact, it's you. You are always your personal best because who else could it be? That doesn't mean you're always happy with your performance which is the beauty of being able to change, adapt, grow and modify behaviors. But even so, we are still 100% awesome. Lie 2. We are only as awesome as our highest negative attribute. 100%-81%= 19% awesome True? False. It's not reasonable to say we are only as awesome as our biggest shortcoming. When we actually take the time to think about that, we know it isn't true. My shortcomings vary every day. Sometimes I'm not as rested and that makes me a bit less tolerant. But even when I'm a grouch to my husband he still loves me. Why? Because I'm still awesome! I just need to work on being more patient. When we gauge our awesome with either of these methods, we are putting all the emphasis on negative things. We are focusing on our deficiencies. Are we alive and breathing? That means we have purpose. And that's pretty awesome too. I once heard the phrase, "positive things happen to positive people." How can we expect to feel positive about ourselves if our personal analysis is based solely on perceived shortcomings? We are incapable of being completely objective with ourselves because we can only see things from our perspective, which is flawed because we aren't perfect. Funny little cycle. That being said, our judgments are probably incorrect anyways so why waste time on them? I've been reading The Book of Joy featuring His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu. The Dalai Lama said, "One of my practices comes from an ancient Indian teacher. He taught that when you experience some tragic situation, think about it. If there's no way to overcome the tragedy, then there is no use worrying too much. So I practice that." I love the simplicity of his statement. Try to think about it in terms of attributes. Are there things I don't prefer about my character? Yes. Are there instances where I speak out of turn and am unkind? Yes. But once I have, there's nothing that can be done other than apologies (which are important and necessary). It doesn't make ME good or bad, it makes me human who made a bad choice. Being human is also what makes me awesome so how can I be opposed to that? I always want to be improving myself. I want to be more patient, kind, tolerant, caring, etc. But I can use the knowledge that I'm awesome to motivate me. This is how I picture it: I'm a culmination of all these things but they don't define me. My humanity defines me and that's pretty cool because no matter what, there is a man upstairs that loves all of us like I love my son, only better and ya know what? He's awesome, just like you.
I'd love to read your thoughts on the topic. Join the discussion by commenting below! Love, Emma
4 Comments
Tamara
8/16/2017 12:22:30 pm
I love this. Thanks for putting these thoughts into words for me! I can realate! ❤️
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Emma
8/24/2017 07:23:21 am
Hi Tamara! I'm so glad this lent support! We appreciate your willingness to share your time reading us. Time is our most valuable asset and it's a privilege that you've chosen to share yours with us. You're awesome!
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Danielle Steed
8/24/2017 07:37:42 am
This is awesome!!
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Emma
8/27/2017 09:27:31 pm
Thanks Dani! You're awesome! ;)
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who we areSpread the Good: Three sisters embracing the human experience, ups and downs included, inviting others to join the celebration.
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