Mo' Money Mo' Problems...first world problems people...first world problems. But in reality, isn't there a tender for life? (Not Tinder...but that's a thing too). So you go into the store of life and pick out what you want on the shelf. You calculate the price and the tax and you know exactly what it's going to cost. You take all of your goods to the front. You fill with gleeful anticipation as you lay it all out in plain view! This is what you want to buy. So the teller of life scans everything through, you give him your cash, and then something happens...he hands you change. What? I didn't expect that. But ah, so you're going to University of Washington instead of Washington State, se lavi. So you put the change in your pocket. It clinks around but is only minorly agitating in those moments when people tell you how much better Cougars are than Huskies. So next time in the store when there's more life decisions, you lay it on the counter again, and once again he gives you change. This happens over and over until finally your pocket is loaded and you're afraid of getting scoliosis from the extra load tugging down on one side! Sure you've got most of what you wanted to buy, but now all of these coins are getting to you, and they're really slowing you down. In this moment you just feel like tossing it right back at the teller and yelling keep the change! From Molly... The Only Constant Is Change Sure we know that, but still how do we navigate through these changes? Sometimes it feels like there is a heavy price to pay but change, we have to remember, is always something extra to keep for later. But heck, it does get heavy sometimes! Here's some ways I work through change. 1. Don't impulse buy We've all been in a store and grabbed something off the shelf...maybe ritz crackers when we're starving for dinner...and then we buy it and we get that little pit of regret in our stomach. Isn't it the same in life decisions? Some things we feel like we "fall" into. Like love? Well I've personally never fallen in love with someone that I haven't let myself spend time with. It's not like walking down the sidewalk and suddenly tripping. Yes, some thing are unforeseen and those changes are bitterly painful, but the bulk of our life experiences have come from our decisions, and when they're not conscientiously made, then we might not realize what we're truly buying. So it helps me to really think through the consequences of decisions and then own them after I've made them. When we take responsibility, we can be empowered, but when we blame others, we give them the power. 2. All changes eventually become the norm This morning I was up for the 4th time with our 6 month old. She wasn't hungry, wasn't wet, wasn't poopy, wasn't cold, she was just up. Just a couple of weeks ago this was so frustrating, because this was a change. She had been sleeping better before. But now waking up in the night is the norm. And on the days when she sleeps well, that is a very welcome change! But eventually any change will become the norm, and you'll find yourself easily and even happily dealing with anything that at one time was so challenging. Or just watch this clip, and it will make you love those moments :) Right here 3. Deposit your change somewhere safe When changes happen and i'm feeling weighed down, sharing that change with someone I love and feel safe with always lightens my load. Nine out of ten times this is Aaron, and the other one is my sisters or mom. No one can handle all of life's changes on their own, so deposit that change somewhere safe, and you will find that those deposits create an extremely fulfilling relationship, what a worthwhile investment! From Emma... In our home as of late, there've been a lot of plans made and changes to plans, and new plans on top of that so I've had a lot, A LOT, of feelings. Do you ever tell yourself you feel a certain way about something and then as time goes on you realize you don't actually feel that way at all? Those are just your "cover-up" feelings. Ya know, the ones that you have because you can't figure out what you're actually feeling yet but they make logical sense, until you realize what's actually going on in your brain? I think it's a genetic illness often passed from parent to child through the second X chromosome. Anyway, so I've been having all of these feelings and after sorting through the cover-up feelings I've discovered they all stem from the same word. And I don't mean like an outfit, scenery or Facebook status. I'm talking all out life decisions change. The kind that decide your finances, hobbies, home life, etc. Growing up, I knew what I wanted to study from the time I was a child so when I married my husband and he had no idea it was a very foreign world to me. He recently passed the halfway mark where you've finished your electives and need to decide because otherwise you're looking at a lot of time and dollars, neither of which sound appealing at our age with a baby. So after quite a few "major" changes over the past two years we sat down last night and had a talk about goals and out of it came a plan that includes a new major, Masters degree, likely additional education for me, job change, a move, and a number of other changes we hadn't anticipated until recently. I was feeling "okay." But I called my mom. Somehow hearing your mom say, "hey, how are you?" on the other end makes all those real feelings come in full force. *Out spews a string of cover-up feelings and thoughts about where I thought we would be and time and changes, and, and, and: essentially verbal vomit about the question marks in life* "Em," she said, "life is a journey not an event." I committed that to memory and then hung up. Later, I found myself sitting in my sons bedroom on the floor, taking the clothes he's grown out of out of the drawers and placing them into a bin. Then, filling the vacant space with clothes sized 12-18 months. Holding up my favorite red and blue striped sleeper that hasn't fit him for months I looked at the outline and made a mental comparison to now. Cue real feelings. I believe love is an emotion that transcends time because it isn't of this world. It's greater than this life. Knowing that, I felt the changes in my love for Noah and for life in general. I loved him differently when he was a newborn, and then 3 month old, then six, now 10. And each phase brought with it a special and unique kind of love that I feel a closeness to but is both gone and ever present. Now that we have a plan, I feel the same way about our life up to now. Every stage has been packed full of love, learning and dreams. I fear the dreaming will stop because we now have a solid direction that decides what our future looks like in large part and I know that gradually we will trade now for later. I don't love later yet because I don't know it well but I sure love now. So that's it. I feel love and longing for what's passed/passing, gratitude for the things we've learned and trepidation about the future. Even with all the changes, I realize it's a privilege to feel and no matter what, I'll always keep dreaming. I just need to learn how to use the change instead of fear it. From Sam... There's a lesson I've been trying to learn for a long time, and it's really hard for me. Want to know what it is? Dealing with change gracefully. I think I'm a "deal with change ugly" type of person. It's not change like moving somewhere new or starting a new job. I actually enjoy that kind of change. It's more when things change inside of me. Since dealing with depression, I've noticed my ability to do things has diminished quite a lot. By nature I'm a very driven person, and I love measuring my success by what I've achieved. Here's the problem, though. Often, it's the ruler by how I measure my worth or value as an individual. (Yes, I know. It's totally messed up, but I'm keeping it real.) So, as anyone with depression knows, you usually aren't able to achieve as much as you were before. And let me tell you, it sucks! Especially when you have a warped sense of self worth based on what you achieve. (You're getting the picture that it's a lose-lose situation that can easily spiral downward, right?) What does this have to do with anything? I'll tell you! (And I promise it'll soon get less bleak.) My son's third birthday was last week, but since aaron had Saturday off instead of Sunday I wanted to celebrate early. I questioned if that was the right decision? I mean, what kind of eternal consequences could there be for this kids psyche if he discovers that we lied to him and told him his bday was Saturday when it wasn't actually until Sunday?!?!? And more importantly, how much is his therapy going to cost us?!?? Yes I'm being sarcastic, but I seriously felt bad about it. (Stupid, I know!) Friday night I got everything decorated so that he'd wake up to a kitchen with pirate decor and his favorite birthday cereal. (Which btw he loved!) The day went on and he mostly just hung out and I attempted to clean the house, until that evening when we had homemade pizza for dinner and cake and presents. (All of which was happening about three hours later than I had wanted because I'd been too tired to make the cake the night before, and the realized at about 1:30 that I needed sugar.) So by the time it was bedtime I was spent, the house was a mess, and I just wanted nothing more than to wave my middle finger at the universe, put on my PJs and go to bed. But thanks to my guilty conscience because I was a grump to the kids before bed, I couldn't sleep. I got up to clean, and after about an hour and a half I heard little footsteps coming down the hall. It was Charlotte who needed a drink. I quickly scooped her up and rocked her in the rocking chair, and all those things I was bummed about not doing or not doing well or enough of didn't matter anymore. So Sunday (Finn's real birthday) Charlotte and I had dance practice. So in order to acknowledge his REAL birthday I made cupcakes. I was rushed and it was a pain, but I was determined to achieve and be awesome! Long story short, Aaron ended up making it home early and I didn't take Finn to practice with us. So we had 40 cupcakes I'd busted my butt to make to celebrate Finn (because isn't that what good achieving mom's do?!?) and no Finn to even appreciate them. (Are you seeing a pattern?) Then today, the kids were supposed to have swimming lessons from 9-9:45, dance from 10-12, and then a series of errands before I leave for adult dance practice tonight. Finn didn't want to wake up this morning and was acting like a teenager who had stayed up til 4am playing video games. (He seriously would moan, roll over, put his blanket on his face and go back to sleep.) I finally coaxed him out of bed, got him ready and we were off to the pool (all of this time he was whining saying he didn't want to do swimming lessons anymore). When we arrived at the pool he started screaming and sobbing. After we walked past the front desk I stopped dead in my tracks, looked at him and said "do you really not want to swim anymore?" (Like I even needed to ask.) then I asked Charlotte if she wanted to swim. She replied, "not really, but you said we had to so I was being nice." I turned around, went to the front desk and cancelled the lessons. And guess what! We all felt 100% better! I had been dreading doing swim 4x a week, kid dance lessons 4x a week, adult lessons 4x a week, and preparing for school to start in two weeks. What was I even thinking stretching myself so thin?!?!? But for the first time since we moved here I can finally say out loud "I just can't do this right now!" And the best part is, I'm ok with that. I HAVE CHANGED. I'm not capable of running as hard without getting overwhelmed. I'm not able to keep a spotless house right now. I'm not able to be burdened with extra baking, or throwing a stellar bday party, or running my kids to a million lessons everyday. This is a new season, and when I eliminate those extra things, that really mean nothing, I am so much better able to be happy, kind and loving and focus on the things that matter most. So to all of you out there who can relate, get rid of some of the extra crap in your life. Accept that you're not in it, and dump it like a toxic boyfriend! You don't need it, and it's not doing anything for you! And accept that you're worth isn't tied up in it. I promise, you'll feel 100% better!!! And the best part of all? The less time you spend on things that don't matter, the more time you have to play, laugh, and enjoy life.
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who we areSpread the Good: Three sisters embracing the human experience, ups and downs included, inviting others to join the celebration.
AuthorsThree sisters, three years apart, three words: Spread the Good Archives
January 2021
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