From Emma...
First of all, no copyright infringement intended on Disney's Frozen. I don't love that movie. And while we are on the topic of things I don't love... I've been thinking a lot about life, go figure. That's kind of my default setting. I've noticed lately how much stuff goes on around us that we can't control. Some things are because of other peoples choices, others are the result of the life hand we currently hold. I'm not big into relinquishing control. I like to have a say over things in my life but there is a definite line between things I can control and things I can't. I CAN control what I have for breakfast. I CAN control what I do in a day. One thing that I struggle with is controlling how I FEEL about things that are going on around me. Typically it takes me a lot of time devoted to thought and reflection to manage my feelings. I like to sort out and reason, "why do I feel this way?" "What can I do to change that?" "How can I modify the situation so I don't dislike it?" Prime example: This week I'm going to a writers retreat which I'm really excited about. Speakers are addressing how to get published, what they wish they would've known, etc. There will be critique opportunities and some contests. It will be a great learning opportunity. But...I have a history of getting homesick. This is the first time I'll be without my baby AND my husband. Plus I found out there will be twins and double beds and some people may have to share the doubles with a stranger. Not super thrilled about that prospect even if I have a separate sleeping bag. Mentally, I've already gone through the process of it all, how I'm going to handle it and I've resigned myself to the fact that I may have to be very direct to ensure I will be in a twin. I don't love conflict either so that makes me a bit nervous. All things considered though, I STILL want to go to the retreat because I think it will help me become a better writer and I reason that it's a mind over matter thing. This is obviously a small example. But what about when things are out of our control like family dealing with illness, or friends struggling in their marriages? What about when we want someone so badly to succeed with something they value but their efforts didn't yield the result they wanted? What about drug addiction and wanting desperately for someone to go through recovery but the task seems insurmountable to them? What about how all these things make us feel? I'm dealing with all of these in one way or another. It turns out, I can't control any of it, no matter how badly I want to. I can't make people well. I can't fix a marriage. I can't make someones life perfect, no matter how badly I want to. All I can do is love them and have hope for their future and my own. I can't completely control if I get homesick or if I have to share a double bed (though I reeeeally don't want to). I worked out this morning. My triceps are killing me. I tried to lift Noah afterwards and I felt the burn. Sometimes with everything we are juggling we need to let things go, not because they are frustrating or disappointing, but simply because they are heavy AND OUT OF OUR CONTROL. I know that's hard to accept. But when I stop worrying about the things I can't control I'll be a lot more able to notice the wonderful things because even when I have a hard time seeing it, there are always more things going right than wrong. I just need to love myself and others and have hope in what's to come.
2 Comments
Aunt Konk
10/16/2017 11:09:23 am
I love you.
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Emma
10/20/2017 12:05:53 am
I love you too Auntie! Thanks for reading :)
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who we areSpread the Good: Three sisters embracing the human experience, ups and downs included, inviting others to join the celebration.
AuthorsThree sisters, three years apart, three words: Spread the Good Archives
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