From Sam...
This is a pretty raw post for me, but I'm going for it. For pretty much as long as I can remember I have had body-image issues. My first memory of being aware was going shopping when I was 9 years old, trying on jeans and looking in the mirror wondering if I was fat. That same "fear" or dysmorphia followed me into adolescence and even into adulthood. No matter how other people said I looked I always believed that I was too big or too small in all the wrong places. I really don't know where it came from, but it's definitely affected my confidence and my ability (and even my desire) to do certain things. It especially had an impact in my earlier marriage. I was always athletic in high school, but after I went to college and wasn't playing sports I gained some weight. I absolutely hated it! my second year of college I started exercising. As time went on my love of exercise blossomed, and I expanded my interest from aerobic to weight-training. It was years of varying degrees of commitment, but I feel like I have formed a wonderful relationship with exercise. This past March, I had surgery for varicose veins on my left thigh and calf. Leading up to it I had made some huge fitness goals. I had worked with a trainer the fall prior (fall 2016), gotten down to 16% body fat, was lifting more than ever, and was in the best shape of my life. I was very pleased with my progress, and for the first time was feeling pretty pleased with my body. After I had surgery my recovery wasn't as speedy as the surgeon had promised. I was in a lot of pain, and working out to the degree I had been was out of the question. Then my gym was bought out and would no longer offer childcare. I started exercising at home with a friend, but was still in pain, and was preparing to move to Texas. After we moved to Texas I joined the YMCA and started exercising, but never with a significant degree of consistency because I was still having pain in my thigh (in fact, I still do), we were remodeling some things on our house, and the kids schedule has been bananas. I could see that although I wasn't gaining any weight my body wasn't staying as toned and firm as it had been. I was still ok with my body, but was terrified that I would get to that unhealthy place again. In the past I have been all-in or all-out. I'm either setting goals, counting macros, and am doing food prep twice a week, or I'm taking a break from it all. Now, it has been 7.5 months since my surgery, and I have been amazed at my growth. I am finally in a place where I'm ready to exercise with regularity, but without that all-or-nothing attitude. And although I can say with 100% surety that my body fat is higher and I can't lift as much I still feel good about myself. For the first time I want to exercise because I want to be health and feel good, not because I want to be "skinny". I've always hated New Years Resolutions. To me, it's a cultural thing where people say they're going to do something, but they implement in incorrectly and they have lost their steam by Valentine's Day. I have seen that A LOT at the gym; people buy new clothes and shoes, get a membership, get up at ungodly hours, put everything (especially their pocketbook) into it...for about 6 weeks. The problem is that people want to change, but maybe January 1st isn't the best timing. Maybe, like me for the past 7.5 months they aren't ready to commit, or they aren't in a healthy place mentally/physically/emotionally/spiritually? Why is it that we only have resolutions at New Years? It has absolutely no context for the "readiness" of the individual. And that's just dumb! I think that we should be evaluating our lives and making resolutions to learn/create/improve/better ourselves all year round. So, I'm making a resolution today. I'm resolving that I'm going to exercise 5 days this week, and I'm going to be accountable to you! I'm also making a resolution that every time I have a negative thought about my body I am going to say something about my body that I'm grateful for out loud. I have found that when we look at the things that we are grateful for, it overshadows the things that we are lacking. What a great exercise for November and the Thanksgiving season, right? I hope that you can feel that this month--just allow the wonderful things in your life to overshadow the negative things. There certainly is much to be thankful for if you look for it :)
3 Comments
Uncle R....
11/7/2017 08:42:35 am
The only issue I ever saw with you is
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Sam
12/3/2017 12:54:30 pm
Uncle R- You always know what to say to make me feel good. Love you so much!
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Aunt She
11/7/2017 06:20:35 pm
Ahh niece, you are amazing and I love you!
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who we areSpread the Good: Three sisters embracing the human experience, ups and downs included, inviting others to join the celebration.
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