I've had an epiphany! The consequence? I enjoy the time with my girls more, pay someone to help clean my house twice a week, and just finished writing my first e-book. Now what the heck do all of these have in common?
A story... About a month ago I saw a woman at Costco who had 5 kids in what looked like 3 years. The oldest and then two sets of twins. That wasn't the amazing part...the amazing part is that she was smiley, laughing, relaxed, and obviously delighting in her kids. I watched her interact with them and thought "if I were in her situation, I would be a basket case in public, juggling all of them and trying to keep track of my wallet, and trying to control the shopping cart" (which she didn't even have. She had a double stroller and just carried her few items!). Now first, yes they were all her kids. They all looked just like her and definitely interacted like siblings. So this experience really got me thinking. How do people juggle so much and stay so happy? My conclusion: you can't do it all, so you have to pick and choose. It is impossible to do it all! You can't be a mother, and entrepreneur, and volunteer at the Red Cross, and serve within your church, and make a balanced dinner every single night, and make sure your baby's learning sign language, and keep chickens...well I guess you can...but I guarantee your kids, employees, husband, and chickens will all want to fire you! So if we can't do it all what CAN we do? First, we should determine what our roles are. Part of my epiphany was that I've had my roles mixed and matched. I thought that the role of "mother" included taking care of the kids, and cooking, and cleaning, and managing the affairs of the home. Well, that is actually 4 different roles (and probably even more). The fact is, I am only in "mother" role when I have connecting/teaching moments with my girls. Connecting with the girls, I love that part! But once you tack on cleaning, cooking, chauffeuring, home management, and on and on, those connecting moments become few and far between and it's easy to feel like "i don't like being a mom anymore!". So the next part of my epiphany - I need to figure out what roles are most important for me to fill. For me that was mother, wife, cook, entrepreneur, blogger, and some more... so yes, still a lot! But mind you I don't fill them simultaneously! Though some of them can conveniently overlap, like having Stella help me make dinner or reading my new book to Aaron and talking about it. Now, ask yourself "what can I throw out?" I bet we will all come up with a few roles we could do without filling. Do you really need to volunteer for the PTA this year? Should you really become your family's dietitian and make sure everyone eats 6 servings of vegetables a day? Will you truly be glad you signed the kids up for swimming lessons, soccer, and dance in a month? If you come to the conclusion that's it's not that important or doesn't fit into your vision for your family, throw it out! So the last part of my epiphany - if my life was a business, what would I outsource? You can outsource ALL sorts of things in your life, and we all do it in some way or another. Maybe you have your shirts dry cleaned, go out to eat, put your kids in daycare, have someone file your taxes. There are soooo many ways we can lighten our load, and the fee isn't always monetary. I have traded favors with other moms lots of time - babysitting for babysitting, bread for cleaning, veggies for tending my garden, etc. For me what I've decided to outsource is cleaning. All of my other roles I want to stay in, not because I feel like I should but because they're fulfilling to me. I'm telling you, this has been a huuuuge relief to me! I finally feel like there are enough hours in the day again. Part of that is also due to Liza sleeping better now, hurrayyyy! (sadly you can't outsource sleep...) Road blocks? Pride and fear. Most of us don't like admitting we need help or are afraid if we do. But although we could do it all half-heartedly, wouldn't we rather rock the most important things? In my experience, the times or circumstances that have forced me to do what's right for my family, even though other people might not agree or it's unconventional, have been some of the greatest blessings in my life. As i'm able to let go of appearances, expectations, and fears, I find that most people are extremely understanding, and I am empowered to create my own joy. So all of these epiphanies have been specific to my life and I don't think could all be applied to everyone, but hopefully you can take a part of it and apply it in your own life to rock what's most important to you!
3 Comments
Cathy Alexander
9/14/2017 09:11:40 am
I'd love to read your book, how can I get a copy? You ladies are all amazing and I love your blog posts! Thanks for spreading good 😊
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Molly
9/14/2017 12:37:20 pm
Thanks Cathy! I'll be releasing it on the blog for a limited time in just a few weeks (free for subscribers!) then will be selling it though Amazon (hopefully as a paper back) after that!
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Nada Conner
9/14/2017 05:53:35 pm
You and your sisters are amazing. So much better insight than I did at your ages. It's can be difficult learning how to live in the moment.
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who we areSpread the Good: Three sisters embracing the human experience, ups and downs included, inviting others to join the celebration.
AuthorsThree sisters, three years apart, three words: Spread the Good Archives
January 2021
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