From Sam... Since my sisters and I began this blog three years ago, my life has changed tremendously…Or, at least my perception of life has changed tremendously. I have changed. No, I didn’t one day wake up and decide to be vegan, or an activist for a cause, or a super-religious guru. My changes were far more subtle, but when I look back on who I was then and compare it with who I am now, I am in awe of what can occur when you give in to trusting yourself. Over the past three years I have separated from my spouse. I have gone to couples therapy. I have gone (and continue to go) to therapy on my own. I have dealt with loss. This summer alone, my husband’s grandma passed away, and I lost a beloved aunt who was a mentor to me. I helped my children navigate their beliefs and emotions around the loss; while also trying to navigate my own. I have dealt with the loss of dear friends that the Army felt compelled to PCS elsewhere. I have felt the anxiety of the pandemic. I have worked incessantly on being a “good mother”, curbing temper tantrums (sometimes theirs, sometimes my own), a possible learning disorder, teaching them how to be loving, kind, conscientious human-beings, and praying daily they don’t grow up to be entitled ass-holes. I have dieted. I have gained and lost weight. I have exercised too much. I have exercised too little. I have said the wrong thing. I have been politically incorrect. I have hurt people’s feelings. I have cried. I have made mistakes. I have cried because of mistakes I’ve made. I have cried for those who suffer. I have felt guilty for not suffering more. I have felt like shit when I’m suffering. I have tried to be an activist. I've been criticized for stirring the pot, and challenging someone's comfortable way to life. I have felt shame and guilt. I’ve been on anti-depressants. I’ve stopped taking my anti-depressants. I’ve been accused of being judgmental. I’ve been accused of not caring enough. I’ve been accused of caring too much. But… I have also learned to forgive. I’ve learned to forgive myself. I have learned to forgive others. I have learned to ask for forgiveness. I have loved deeply, and felt the joy of connection. I have been made aware of how precious life is, and grateful for those who have bestowed their precious time on me. I have found new faith—in a higher power, in humanity, and in myself. I have learned to love more selflessly and be less critical. I have learned to listen to my body. I have learned to rest more. I have learned to find and do what delights me. I have learned to accept myself as a whole person, and not an extension of the needs of my family. I have learned to appreciate my children as their own whole people, and not an extension of me. I have learned about true intimacy in a marriage, and how to foster that. I have learned that the more I trust myself, the happier my life becomes. I have learned that the happier I am, the less concerned I am with what others think about me, and the less critical I become. I have learned to judge people’s intentions rather than execution, and have begun extending the same courtesy to myself. I have learned to breathe deeply. I have learned that although there is pain, there is joy and it’s ok to feel both. I’m sure that many of these things I said resonated with you. I don’t know how this blog will evolve. I have gained enough wisdom to know that it's best not to look too far ahead. For now, it is my journal that I am sharing with you. My hope is that I will continue to learn as I practice these things, and that we can be a community of support to each other. I know that I will continue to make mistakes. I also know that as I continue to trust my inner voice, I will have the tools to fix them. We are all human, and life is a process of learning. I’m grateful to be walking this road and spreading good with you.
2 Comments
Erica Thietten
11/16/2020 09:52:02 am
You are inspiring! Thank you for your honesty and desire to help others find their truth, trust themselves and live fully.
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Sam
11/17/2020 06:01:09 am
Thank you so much! It feels good to know that there is a collective group of people striving to make the world a better place!
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who we areSpread the Good: Three sisters embracing the human experience, ups and downs included, inviting others to join the celebration.
AuthorsThree sisters, three years apart, three words: Spread the Good Archives
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