I crashed my bike a week and a half ago. Scenario goes as follows: (Asterisks denote a thought process) Me: *I'm running late for this meeting. It shouldn't take long though if I ride my bike.* Action: Walk outside, get on the bike. Bike won't go. Me: *I don't have time for this!* Action: Check the bike. Bike chains off. Fix the bike chain. On the road. Me: life stuff, *What can we do so Jordan can be home more?* school stuff, *When will we graduate and move?* work stuff, *Ugh* kid stuff, *Did I remember to feed Noah lunch?* church stuff, *Is there anything I forgot to do?* husband stuff, *How can I relieve some stress* me stuff *Why am I not feeling super great about myself lately* Action: Riding down the sidewalk. See pedestrian on the right side. Me: *I could probably fit to the left but since he can't see me coming he might move to the left and if he does I could hit him.* Action: pull on to the grass. Me: *should I slow down?* Action: Pull back on to the sidewalk...or not. Tire hits the sidewalk at a funny angle. Bike handle bars jackknife. Skip forward to me laying body down on the pavement, bike sideways and still between my legs. Me: *Did that just happen? I should've judged the physics a bit better. Ouch* Action: Cue my head turn. And there is the pedestrian not three feet away looking down at me with open mouth. Yup. In the midst of my struggle with anxiety I realized something about my old self. I was unknowingly waiting for the anvil to drop. What I mean by that is I was living in constant fear that something bad was around the corner and because no one makes it through life unscathed I was in for a doozy at any given moment. It's like when Wiley Coyote chases road runner...right off the side of a cliff. And then notices just before he plummets to the ground but after it's too late to take a step back. Cruelty, Looney Tunes. Then again, I was also looking at myself as if I was Wiley Coyote. I've seen the same scene over and over again with him. He sees the road runner, speeds after, falls off a cliff. He sees the road runner, speeds after, falls off a cliff. And on it goes over and over again. Hopefully I'm not as dense as the mindless cartoon another human being created for entertainment purposes, which is actually kind of sick that we find that funny. That is torturous to watch a human being experience it, which we do because sometimes people act just like Wiley Coyote. Sometimes we do the same things over and over again. Albert Einstein said, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results." If I live in constant fear that the anvil is going to drop, my mind is going to be hyper aware of the "bad" things, or what I prefer to call the curveballs. I love baseball. But if we were to get or to pitch the same ball every time it wouldn't make for a very good player or comprehensive test of our skills. What if we were to consider the thought that in reference to things that happen to us, there is no "bad" or "good," rather just "happenings?" It seems to me if we did that it would be a lot easier to look at life at face value rather than assigning deeper meanings that realistically don't exist in some cases. I can't tell you exactly why curveballs happen. But I can tell you the gash on my knee from the bike wreck is healing and when I remember the look on that pedestrians face I start giggling all over again at his surprise. Maybe it hurt for awhile but I definitely learned not to bike too fast on the sidewalk, not to try and pull back on the concrete at a weird angle, and not to bicycle when I have a bajillion things on my brain distracting me. Also, I'm so grateful Noah wasn't with me because he could've been really hurt. What a blessing! Gratitude is very key to a happy life because it takes us out of our own minds. Recently I decided that I didn't feel as exuberant as I wanted to when walking in to my house. So...I redecorated. For $25 bucks: the cost of a can of spray paint, fabric from JoAnn's (on a stellar deal. Yay home decor fabric!), a couple things of acrylic paint, fake flowers from the Dollar Store, and a bit of time: I removed the burgundy and dark wood and replaced it with happy spring colors that make me feel bright when I walk in the front door. Color scheme: Teal, pink, beige, navy and dark brown furniture. I can't control everything, and I thank high heaven that is the case because that is WAY too much pressure. But I can control the color of the pillows on the couch and what my curtains looks like and now they make me happy :)
The anvil isn't waiting to drop. There's no moment that's going to ruin your life unless you let it. There will be challenges. There will be hard things. But there is SO much to experience with excitement and gratitude. If you look back or even ask a friend I'm sure there are scenarios that have been hard you've come back from stronger, big or small. We get to view the world unlike any other person because we are individuals! And isn't it the learning curve that makes us LIVE life? Besides, like I said, the look on that persons face...priceless. I'd love to know what has given you strength in the past. Comment below to join the conversation! Love, Emma
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who we areSpread the Good: Three sisters embracing the human experience, ups and downs included, inviting others to join the celebration.
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